Titillating Euphemisms

For my brilliant friend Shelley Stocken who wrote me a poem about genitals.  How else to repay her but to write one back about titillating euphemisms.  This one’s for you Shelley.

Titillating Euphemisms

I’m going into business

And I know that you’ll be shocked,

But I’m going to start a Titillating Euphemism shop.

Folks will bring me in their tired old todgers, dicks and cocks

And I’ll send ‘em out the door with throbbing manhoods in their jocks.


If you’re sick of that old fanny, tuppy, beaver, box or cunny

I’ve a palpitating portal you can take home to your honey.

If your boobs are tired and sagging and your nipples face the floor

I can whip you up two golden orbs with rosebud tips galore.


But I have a little problem with this business plan cum hobby –

And it’s, “Will my ads pass muster with the Aussie Christian Lobby?”

Will Ms Francis see my billboard and will I be berated

Cos the ‘tit’ in Titillating isn’t technically ‘G-rated’?


Will she ring her friends at Adshel and demand it’s taken down?

Will my business go arse-up before it’s started?

Or will commonsense and sanity, perhaps, at last prevail

And will Adshel tell Ms Francis to get f…. arted?

Chrys Stevenson

Reference:  Fresh Controversy over Bus Stop Condom Ads

7 thoughts on “Titillating Euphemisms

  1. Vicki

    Yeah!! You used ‘tuppy’, our family fav and I never get to see it written and it makes me giggle like a 6 year old. Clapping madly

  2. cushla geary

    Laughing quite immoderately here – wish I dared pinch it and post on my FB Wall!!


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